Friday 25 October 2024

New Born Blues

 

One day, I said, to the Lord,

A whispered prayer, over my shoulder,

One day I will know.

One day you will show me,

What it is in me,

That resonates so deeply

With the melancholic tone in this song,

To the extent that I told my Sister, 

To ensure that amongst all the hymns I'd selected,

She play it at my funeral,

Because this song, I said, is me.

If you could sum up my soul in music,

This would be it.


"With light in my head

And you in my arms"*


And instantly the whisper returned

My ear tingled

The neck hairs bristled

It is longing.

It is yearning.


And in my ignorance, I asked myself,

Like I would know,

If that wasn't contradicting the nature of my rebirth,

This inner being effused with His spirit,

That I should characterise myself solely with this one bittersweet emotion.

I am Longing.

I am yearning.


But my yearning is for home

For that fine and fateful day


And the new birth should not put me off,

For every baby

Is born screaming

For a comfort they can't yet comprehend.

They have needs they have no knowledge of,

And they feel the need still,


The melancholy speaks of hope

Like pain speaks of healing


And what was begun,

Will one day end.

And the crying will fall silent,

And I will suckle at the teat of eternity

"For I Know I will be loosened

From bonds that hold me fast

That the chains all hung around me

Will fall away at last"*








* Fisherman's Blues- The Waterboys

Sunday 4 August 2024

Surrender

I surrender to you

Like I was bound to do


Not with hands held high

Nor did I 

Abdicate my throne of emotions:

It's courts abandoned,


There are no white flags,

No terms or treaties,


I surrender

Not in willingness

Nor because resistance is worn away

(By the lapping tide of perpetual love)

I have not come to the end of my resource to fight you off,


But I surrender

As a falling man

Surrenders to the concrete below

As the flaming building he has left

Smolders,

He plunges for

Propelled towards

Terror which is firmer

Than the collapsing ruin that previously supported,

Even though

He started the fire.



I surrender to the approaching ground

And the mercy of God.





Thursday 27 June 2024

The channels

I find the cool channels
between buildings 
where the wind finds flow, 
This breeze block, asphalt, concrete complex,
Where the radiance of the sun
is battery farmed.

Where humidity is increased in one room,
And conditioned into ice-dry climate in another,
And i walk unseen among the scientists,
clustered in their honey burrows,
I'm dripping sweat on their sterile floors
Dragging plastic through their corridors 
wearing their lab coats
but the dark ring of perspiration
is around my colar
And I cannot be with them,
So
I seek the channels
between the buildings
where the monster casts its shadow
And sucks the cool air through


Friday 21 June 2024

I Commit My Soul To Paper


I commit my soul to paper,

Put my heart in the ink,

Place my consciousness on the page,

Commit what is spiritual,

To what is matter,

What I hope is eternal,

To what may age,

And crumble, brown and flake,

 

Fade out of vision,

Bleeding from the veins of the temporal,

Seeping through the Vail,

Back to its home in heaven,

Where it is preserved,

By Angels,

Preserved in my tears,

In jars and bottles,

Corked with the wood of the cross.


Tuesday 21 May 2024

These Ways (Colossians 3)

You used to walk in these ways
In the life you once lived
But you are newer these days
So don't do what you did
Don't take up your sword
Don't lift up the lid
Don't hide in the dark
Don't keep it all hid

Don't scrabble around
Doing tricks in the dirt
Don't be batting that eye
Don't flatter that flirt
Don't unzip that fly
Don't unbutton your shirt
For some harmless fun
Someone's gonna get hurt

You once used to walk in these ways
In the life you once lived
But you are newer these days

We're standing still
With our idle fingers drumming,
We're flirting with temptation
But the Devil is more cunning
We're hanging around
But we should be running
Because of these
The wrath of God is coming,

What's of the earthly nature put to death 
Allow it no quarter
Leave it no breath

You once used to walk in these ways
In anger and slander and murderous rage
In malice and lust and in greed
Idolatry before incorruptible seed,
In sex and impurity lighting the fires,
And filthy language from mouths of liars,
And pouring fuel so the flames got higher,
Were we not told to flee youth's evil desires?

You once used to walk in these ways
In the live you once lived
But now you flee these days
Leaving naked, with the coat in her hand,
If you stand naked
Then naked you are
but at least you stand,

Since you have taken off the old self with it's deeds
And put on the new self, with a new set of needs
All met in the knowledge of one who is greater
Renewed in knowledge in the image of the creator

Here there's no Gentile or Jew
Here we're all one, all made new
No barbarian, Scythian, slave or free,
But Christ is all, is in all, in you and me,

As God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
Clothe yourselves with the compassion of heaven above,
And kindness to all, and sweet humility
Gentleness and patience, yes, put on these,
But above all virtues, such as these,
Put on love
Which binds them in perfect unity,

And no longer walk in those ways,
That was the old life you lived
But you're newer these days

Since you have been raised with Christ
Set your hearts on things above,
Where Christ is,
Seated at the right hand of God
Your life is hidden in him
Like his blood has covered your sin,
When Chronos' end is finally here,
With him, who is your life, you will appear,
In glory
















Saturday 23 March 2024

The Cushion of The Years (Shield against Apollyon)

 

Tonight, at 51, With the duvet pulled up to my ears,

I will play myself to sleep,

With the cassette replacement,

Of the tape my mother bought for me,

To mark, at 15, my passing into a sort of infant maturity,

A bud that does not resemble but contain,

The bloom of tomorrow,

And it's foregone conclusions,


She tucked me in with words,

And self fulfilling prophecy,

"You're old enough now, to appreciate this"

She predicted.


Tonight, at 51, I tuck myself in.

And in putting on the cassette, I pull up the covers,

The padded cushion of the years,

I pull them over my head,

I kick fast to warm the bed,

Like I'm running home,


And I am 15, 

And the Shakespearean blanket of warmth,

Covers my ears,

And forms a barrier from my thoughts of the present,

A barrier for all the years that are out there,

I am home

And she is in the other room just feet away,

As near and as far as present day,



And for some reason, Apollyon, comforts me,

With his scathing enmity:


"I am an enemy to this prince,

I hate his person, his laws, and people,

I am come out on purpose to withstand thee!

Here will I spill thy very soul!"


And for all the spat out fury of the blow-hard,

And as dangerous as he is,

It gives me resolve,

To stay beneath the shield of sheets,

The field of sleeps,

Until my fears dissolve,


And the cushion of the years is thick

And thicker the more the years go by,

And I will burrow in that bed,

And shelter from Apollyon's cry






Tuesday 27 February 2024

Even a Broken Clock

Even a broken, old fashioned clock

Is correct 2 times a day,

And perhaps if I stay as I am,

You'll come, in time,

To see things my way,


If time is the variable,

And not the nailed down, sealed in truth,

Then the fixed hands of opinion, 

Though opinions rotate,

Will point to the proof,



And if truth is the variable

Then what good is it to me,

If I require the eternal energy

To keep up, constantly,


No, The truth, this truth is my truth

And the time is on the shelve 

And what ever time it is, the truth is,

It's always 1 minute to twelve.






New Born Blues

  One day, I said, to the Lord, A whispered prayer, over my shoulder, One day I will know. One day you will show me, What it is in me, That ...