The unbearable lightness of being fat

Heavy handed and heavy set,

With a lightness of touch, you've not seen yet,

Heavy set and Heavy handed,

If you're lying on the mattress, you'll know when I've landed.

Middle aged like middle earth,

Middle aged spread around my girth,

On the take and on the fiddle,

However you throw something in my direction,

Trust me, I'm so fat, you'll hit the middle,

But I walk with my chins held high,

And for some reason the girls just sigh.

It's a huge responsibility,

When you are so large that,

You generate your own gravity,

But I bear the weight of it well,

Not so anyone could tell,

I transcend all kinds of restraint,

You may be skinny and miserable,

But I sure as hell ain't,

It may give me a heart attack,

But at least while I am alive, I live,

and fats a fact,

It's a kind of a mystic Zen type thing,

The peace of mind,

That comes from having your own,

Rubber ring,

I call it a blubber ring,

If I'm dropped in the ocean,

I wont need to swim,

To stretch-mark the metaphor

I float above it all,

The wreck of Titanic,

The belles of the ball,

Their skinny bones lie on the sea bed,

So don't even think of asking me to shed,

A few pounds,

I've seen many lighter folk drown,

In a sea of misery,

Beneath the waters of drudgery,

No I'm far too spiritual for that,

I guess I'll just live,

With the unbearable lightness,

Of being fat.