Gateway (Stacking Shelves and Breaking Hearts)

When we were sixteen, we both got jobs

Stacking shelves, and breaking hearts,

You down the road and I at Waitrose,

A street, and twenty pence apart,

We met at school when we were six years old,

Crooked fringes, and bleeding knees,

To bring down the unjust regime, 

I had you stamping on non-exploding batteries,

You a blonde, and I brunette,

You liked sport, and lest I forget,

I did not but in the end, to my regret,

I got you puffing on cigarettes,

You were Butlins and we were Lakes

We were  David Frost and The BBC,

We were Swap Shop and Songs of Praise,

You were Tiswas  and Royal Variety,

On Saturday evenings we'd part for tea,

To return, after play, to our families,

Same village but worlds apart,

Separated by a few streets, and ITV,

You were brother and I had no other,

Who shared the highs and lows with me,

On walks upon walks, we'd explore our hearts

And discuss the merits of a double D,

We discovered music, lost heart, found faith, 

Found love, lost love, found voice and sang,

Grew hair, shot up, skinned up and signed up,

But this, the gateway, where the end began,

When we were sixteen, we both got jobs

Stacking shelves, and breaking hearts,

You down the road and I at Waitrose,

A street, and twenty pence apart,

It was here that the gulf started to grow,

With new friends and a taste of popularity,

To my shame I embraced them and the gulf became more,

Than the difference in an hourly rate of 20p

(For Adrian Capell)

Eyes on Me

Eyes on me, said the Lord, when they were three,

'him' and 'her', he made two, 

And the three was 'HE'.

You can eat of any tree,

Except the two, that we agree,

And all will be well for you with your eyes on me,

All was well as well could be 

Until the snake he came to see,

If he could tempt them to that tree,

Look at that fruit, You know that it's the key,

Listen to me, feast upon it with your eyes,

It looks good and (like God is), it will make you wise,

Did He really say 'anyone who eats it dies?'

She listened to the snake and 'he' to 'she' 

They ate, their eyes are opened, and they see,

Time flies and the naked two await the three

And the apple core lies rotting in the shade of the tree

Then they heard the Lord-God calling,

'Adam where can you be'

Adam Come out here, and stand where I can see,

Come out here Adam, and get your eyes on me,

But Adam called out from where he hid,

'I looked and saw that I was naked and ashamed of what I did,

I feared and so I stayed hidden in the shade

For the very first time, I am afraid'.

And down through ages, that's the way it stayed

Mankind stayed naked, ashamed and afraid,

They looked on the darkness and the shadow they had made,

They looked in fear at fear itself, and they remained dismayed,

At just the right time, The Lord-God came,

And walked as second Adam, And Jesus was his name,

To cast out fear, and remove the source of shame,

Eyes on me, he said, I come to pay the price and take the blame,

Peter faced his fear, when he got out of the boat in Galilea,

But waves caught his eye, as he walked to Jesus on the sea,

The storm started scaring him, as scared as he could be,

You of little faith, don't doubt, and keep your eyes on me

As he cried, Father if it's possible take this cup away from me,

Jesus' sweat blood in the garden of gethsemane,

But if it's thy will, then Father, yes, let this thing be,

The Father said 'Son, just keep your eyes on me'.

He walked as he lived, in love and purity,

For as long as he lived, to the age of Thirty Three,

But he frightened those in power so they nailed him to a tree,

Don't look away, he seemed to say, just keep your eyes on me,


Naked as the day he came, stretched out amidst the glee,

Of mockers that were passing by, and gathered there to be

Heaping on the curses on the curse of eternity,

Like the snake of Moses lifted up, they kept their fearful eyes on thee,

The transfer was made, divine exchange on the hill of Calvary,

As every sin, on him was laid, on him displayed for all to see,

My God, I look to you, Jesus says, why have you turned your eyes from me?

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani"

We look upon his lifeless corpse, his hair still blowing in the breeze,

And shudder now in fear for our sins, when we remember these,

That bought the prince of life to death and will do the same in all degrees,

To those who do not own their shame, and do just as they please,

Guarded, sealed and stored below, in the cemetery

Your body lay for those 3 days, beyond appeal or plea,

beyond the warmth or light of life, and human company,

But just you wait, your promise said, and keep your eyes on me,

Then on that third day, at the break of dawn, The son was raised to be

The new crowned conqueror of death, and Lord eternally,

Death where is your sting, grave your victory?

I told you fair and firmly boys, you should have kept your eyes on me,

Now in this trouble you will have the world, you see,

And you shall know the truth, and it will set you free,

With signs in the heavens, anguish and perplexity,

When these things take place stand up, lift your heads and,

Eyes on me

 “There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. 26 People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. 27 At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. 28 When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

When they saw it was good for food and desired to make one wise,

 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,[b] she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

Evolving Pictures

 There is the Picture you gave me

On my chamber wall

a picture of a door

On this side is darkness

but through the opening door

is bright, bright light.

 

I took it because it spoke to me,

Of light coming into my darkness,

Iluminating the bones,

of the skelletons of my past,

Of seeing for the first time,

What I'd thought was sight,

before I became,

accustomed to the light,

 

Then someone said,

"When you see a door,

It is always for going through"

And I imagined,

Just what it was,

The Father called me to,

 

I Imagined that what lay beyond that door,

that faith and risk invited me to,

Was some bright future ministry,

And the glory that would ensue,

and it frightened me.

 

Then a few weeks back,

You gave me another picture,

This one in my head,

Of a fire place

And a father,

and a sofa.

 

You said,

"I have much to show you",

Your face was so warm,

I can never doubt that love.

In the picture I am sat beside you,

In this cosy warm snug room.

 

Another time,

You had said,

That I was on the edge,

Of something greater,

Then last night,

You showed me the thread.

 

I was between these two pictures,

The light through the door,

was the light from the Fathers fire,

And the faith and risk, I needed to take,

Were not for some great future,

But to shed my fear of intimacy.

 

I am stood at the door sneaking a peek...

I am not yet on the sofa, with the Father...

I've been avoiding this room for a long time....

Like Adam in the garden, hiding from him...

after all,

Isn't that what sin did....

Caused us to hide from God,

For shame....

And he says, "Who told you you were naked?"

 

And I see now, that what he wants,

Why Jesus my brother came,

Was to get back that relationship where we are not ashamed..

He says to me, with my nose through the door,

Come further in

Come in and know me better man,

There's a cushion on the sofa

With your name on it.

There's A Wobble In My walk

There's a wobble in my walk 

A stumble in my stride

A shyness in my speech 

And a humble in my pride

There's a feeling in my thought 

A flying in my fall

A stooping as I climb 

The loss of gaining all

There's a dying in my life

A living in my death

There's a taking and a taking hold 

In letting go and taking my last breath 

We Will All Be Changed

 'Who wants change?', the speaker said,

And solemnly everyone in the room nods their head,

'Who wants to change?', the speaker enquired

Suddenly all the nods have expired...

Still as statues with eyes looking down,

I don't know what they expect, to see on the ground,

Looking thoughtful, they squint and they frown,

But things will change now,

Now that HE is in town,

 Simon, Andrew, James and John,

Fishing for a living, but they couldn't carry on,

Once they met him, stopped their fishing there and then,

Changed from fishy folk to fishers of men,

They liked what he said, they wanted to get on board,

Still whiffing of fish, they set off with the Lord,

A little down the road, they started to forget,

Fish-guts and boats and the holes in their nets,

Jesus seemed to change everyone that he met,

And, for the record, he had barely started yet,

Healings, deliverance, resurrections,

Teachings, parables and corrections,

Arms grow, demons flee, the blind are given sight,

The religious leaders, getting angrier and uptight,

The dead rise, the lame walk, the poor hear good news,

It's impossible to know Jesus, without changing your views,

Sinners are forgiven, God's kingdom come,

The party's getting started if you're starting to succumb,

It was all going well, it was all awesome and amazing,

Took away your breath to see, just like star-gazing,

But just like the clouds appeared, good friday,

Blotting out the sun,

Jesus had to die,

So the real change could come,

So The Father could forgive you,

Of all the wrong you've done,

Your punishment on Jesus,

He paid for every one,

Every one who believes gets a new heart,

Every new heart gets a fresh, new start,

You see Jesus doesn't just change bodies, when healing your disease,

He changes hearts and lives, just as much as these,

And changing what these disciples did, was as much about changing who they are,

Allow me to demonstrate, that they really did come far,

And to show that this change was made complete,

I'll point again to those fishermen, come with me down the street,

Come with me to the place in Jerusalem where they were all shacked up,

Hiding for their lives, 'cos they all lacked the guts,

When Jesus was killed, they all ran away and hid,

Terrified of the authorities, who knew 'who they were' and 'what they did',

Afraid to be caught, locked up, or hurt,

Would someone betray them, blab or blurt?

But when they had met The risen Jesus, all that had to go

I'm alive, he said, and so, and so...

Go into all the world, preaching to everyone out there,

And that is what they did, went out speaking everywhere,

No longer cowards, afraid and scared,

Speaking out with courage the good news they shared,

And some who heard them speaking, knowing them to be unschooled fishermen,

Took note that these men had been with Jesus, that he had transformed them,

And what's more, as much as they all changed,

The transformation will be perfected, when Jesus comes again,

Some may fall asleep, but not everyone will die,

At the shofar sound, in the twinkling of an eye,

We will all be changed,

We will never be the same,

So start the transformation,

In the power of Jesus' name,

I Never Loved A Woman

 You know I never loved a woman,

Though I think I thought I did,

Never a woman, or her real feelings,

Whatever she revealed, or she hid.

Oh, you know, I was romantic,

Or at least romantically inclined,

I'd spend sequential hours of a day,

Imagining us romantically entwined,

I'd imagine my fingers,

Running through her auburn/blonde/black hair, 

And gaze into her blue/green/brown eyes,

Romantically loosing myself there,

I imagined her skin smelt of freedom,

And her lips tasted of yesterdays wine,

And her voice would only seductively whisper,

In my ears, then my fears would begin to decline,

Oh and secretly we longed for each other,

Saw in each other, what nobody else did,

But you know, I've never loved a woman,

Whatever was revealed or was hid,

You know a woman was for me a far away country,

Somewhere I could never go,

So I dreamed of those women in safety,

Golden dreams with unlosable glow,

In my dreams those women were promise,

A promise of love yet unsung,

A promise of love, that could not disappoint,

Because it would never come,

And a promise is better than the purchase,

Because unattained it wont fail the test,

And it offers much more,

When it stays before,

And is never the aftermath of the mess,

Oh I have loved a few women, 

I have loved their warmth and their care,

But to the ideal of the idolatry

They could never compare,

Maybe I loved the idea of them,

And loved them a little less than enough,

But pedestals are for putting on,

And then for pushing off,

 You know I never loved a woman

Though I think I thought I did,

Never a woman, or her real feelings,

Whatever she revealed, or she hid,

You know I never loved a woman,

Whatever she would reveal,

I'm sorry for my snake like retreat,

It all got a little too real,

In Heaven

 In heaven I wonder, what will I be?

And will I still be recognizably me,

Maybe my tummy will still be round,

But I'm sure my trousers won't keep falling down,

Like they do down here on earth,

Because of and not in spite of my bulk and my girth,

When I was a child, all skinny and such,

My trousers fell down, to my knees from my crotch

Because they had nothing on which to grip,

No waist to speak of

So they'd slip past my hip...

And the belt had never been found

That would keep my trousers from finding the ground.

My worst foe, yes my hated enemy,

Was the evil force they call gravity,

And then I got old and fat,

And the trousers slid down, whether I stood or I sat,

In Church one day my niece and son laughed a lot, 

When I stood up to pray, but my trousers did not,

It's hard to bring supplication,

With your pants on display to the whole congregation,

And though I'm sure the saviour won't mind,

Some of the saved may not be so kind

So I have special reason to long now for heaven,

Where trousers stay up, however you're dressin',

And I shan't mind if I'm fat or I'm slim,

As long as I can give glory to him,

And if my tummy is still round,

At least my trousers will no longer fall down