Gateway (Stacking Shelves and Breaking Hearts)

When we were sixteen, we both got jobs

Stacking shelves, and breaking hearts,

You down the road and I at Waitrose,

A street, and twenty pence apart,

We met at school when we were six years old,

Crooked fringes, and bleeding knees,

To bring down the unjust regime, 

I had you stamping on non-exploding batteries,

You a blonde, and I brunette,

You liked sport, and lest I forget,

I did not but in the end, to my regret,

I got you puffing on cigarettes,

You were Butlins and we were Lakes

We were  David Frost and The BBC,

We were Swap Shop and Songs of Praise,

You were Tiswas  and Royal Variety,

On Saturday evenings we'd part for tea,

To return, after play, to our families,

Same village but worlds apart,

Separated by a few streets, and ITV,

You were brother and I had no other,

Who shared the highs and lows with me,

On walks upon walks, we'd explore our hearts

And discuss the merits of a double D,

We discovered music, lost heart, found faith, 

Found love, lost love, found voice and sang,

Grew hair, shot up, skinned up and signed up,

But this, the gateway, where the end began,

When we were sixteen, we both got jobs

Stacking shelves, and breaking hearts,

You down the road and I at Waitrose,

A street, and twenty pence apart,

It was here that the gulf started to grow,

With new friends and a taste of popularity,

To my shame I embraced them and the gulf became more,

Than the difference in an hourly rate of 20p

(For Adrian Capell)

Eyes on Me

Eyes on me, said the Lord, when they were three,

'him' and 'her', he made two, 

And the three was 'HE'.

You can eat of any tree,

Except the two, that we agree,

And all will be well for you with your eyes on me,

All was well as well could be 

Until the snake he came to see,

If he could tempt them to that tree,

Look at that fruit, You know that it's the key,

Listen to me, feast upon it with your eyes,

It looks good and (like God is), it will make you wise,

Did He really say 'anyone who eats it dies?'

She listened to the snake and 'he' to 'she' 

They ate, their eyes are opened, and they see,

Time flies and the naked two await the three

And the apple core lies rotting in the shade of the tree

Then they heard the Lord-God calling,

'Adam where can you be'

Adam Come out here, and stand where I can see,

Come out here Adam, and get your eyes on me,

But Adam called out from where he hid,

'I looked and saw that I was naked and ashamed of what I did,

I feared and so I stayed hidden in the shade

For the very first time, I am afraid'.

And down through ages, that's the way it stayed

Mankind stayed naked, ashamed and afraid,

They looked on the darkness and the shadow they had made,

They looked in fear at fear itself, and they remained dismayed,

At just the right time, The Lord-God came,

And walked as second Adam, And Jesus was his name,

To cast out fear, and remove the source of shame,

Eyes on me, he said, I come to pay the price and take the blame,

Peter faced his fear, when he got out of the boat in Galilea,

But waves caught his eye, as he walked to Jesus on the sea,

The storm started scaring him, as scared as he could be,

You of little faith, don't doubt, and keep your eyes on me

As he cried, Father if it's possible take this cup away from me,

Jesus' sweat blood in the garden of gethsemane,

But if it's thy will, then Father, yes, let this thing be,

The Father said 'Son, just keep your eyes on me'.

He walked as he lived, in love and purity,

For as long as he lived, to the age of Thirty Three,

But he frightened those in power so they nailed him to a tree,

Don't look away, he seemed to say, just keep your eyes on me,


Naked as the day he came, stretched out amidst the glee,

Of mockers that were passing by, and gathered there to be

Heaping on the curses on the curse of eternity,

Like the snake of Moses lifted up, they kept their fearful eyes on thee,

The transfer was made, divine exchange on the hill of Calvary,

As every sin, on him was laid, on him displayed for all to see,

My God, I look to you, Jesus says, why have you turned your eyes from me?

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani"

We look upon his lifeless corpse, his hair still blowing in the breeze,

And shudder now in fear for our sins, when we remember these,

That bought the prince of life to death and will do the same in all degrees,

To those who do not own their shame, and do just as they please,

Guarded, sealed and stored below, in the cemetery

Your body lay for those 3 days, beyond appeal or plea,

beyond the warmth or light of life, and human company,

But just you wait, your promise said, and keep your eyes on me,

Then on that third day, at the break of dawn, The son was raised to be

The new crowned conqueror of death, and Lord eternally,

Death where is your sting, grave your victory?

I told you fair and firmly boys, you should have kept your eyes on me,

Now in this trouble you will have the world, you see,

And you shall know the truth, and it will set you free,

With signs in the heavens, anguish and perplexity,

When these things take place stand up, lift your heads and,

Eyes on me

 “There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. 26 People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. 27 At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory. 28 When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

When they saw it was good for food and desired to make one wise,

 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise,[b] she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.

Evolving Pictures

 There is the Picture you gave me

On my chamber wall

a picture of a door

On this side is darkness

but through the opening door

is bright, bright light.

 

I took it because it spoke to me,

Of light coming into my darkness,

Iluminating the bones,

of the skelletons of my past,

Of seeing for the first time,

What I'd thought was sight,

before I became,

accustomed to the light,

 

Then someone said,

"When you see a door,

It is always for going through"

And I imagined,

Just what it was,

The Father called me to,

 

I Imagined that what lay beyond that door,

that faith and risk invited me to,

Was some bright future ministry,

And the glory that would ensue,

and it frightened me.

 

Then a few weeks back,

You gave me another picture,

This one in my head,

Of a fire place

And a father,

and a sofa.

 

You said,

"I have much to show you",

Your face was so warm,

I can never doubt that love.

In the picture I am sat beside you,

In this cosy warm snug room.

 

Another time,

You had said,

That I was on the edge,

Of something greater,

Then last night,

You showed me the thread.

 

I was between these two pictures,

The light through the door,

was the light from the Fathers fire,

And the faith and risk, I needed to take,

Were not for some great future,

But to shed my fear of intimacy.

 

I am stood at the door sneaking a peek...

I am not yet on the sofa, with the Father...

I've been avoiding this room for a long time....

Like Adam in the garden, hiding from him...

after all,

Isn't that what sin did....

Caused us to hide from God,

For shame....

And he says, "Who told you you were naked?"

 

And I see now, that what he wants,

Why Jesus my brother came,

Was to get back that relationship where we are not ashamed..

He says to me, with my nose through the door,

Come further in

Come in and know me better man,

There's a cushion on the sofa

With your name on it.

There's A Wobble In My walk

There's a wobble in my walk 

A stumble in my stride

A shyness in my speech 

And a humble in my pride

There's a feeling in my thought 

A flying in my fall

A stooping as I climb 

The loss of gaining all

There's a dying in my life

A living in my death

There's a taking and a taking hold 

In letting go and taking my last breath 

We Will All Be Changed

 'Who wants change?', the speaker said,

And solemnly everyone in the room nods their head,

'Who wants to change?', the speaker enquired

Suddenly all the nods have expired...

Still as statues with eyes looking down,

I don't know what they expect, to see on the ground,

Looking thoughtful, they squint and they frown,

But things will change now,

Now that HE is in town,

 Simon, Andrew, James and John,

Fishing for a living, but they couldn't carry on,

Once they met him, stopped their fishing there and then,

Changed from fishy folk to fishers of men,

They liked what he said, they wanted to get on board,

Still whiffing of fish, they set off with the Lord,

A little down the road, they started to forget,

Fish-guts and boats and the holes in their nets,

Jesus seemed to change everyone that he met,

And, for the record, he had barely started yet,

Healings, deliverance, resurrections,

Teachings, parables and corrections,

Arms grow, demons flee, the blind are given sight,

The religious leaders, getting angrier and uptight,

The dead rise, the lame walk, the poor hear good news,

It's impossible to know Jesus, without changing your views,

Sinners are forgiven, God's kingdom come,

The party's getting started if you're starting to succumb,

It was all going well, it was all awesome and amazing,

Took away your breath to see, just like star-gazing,

But just like the clouds appeared, good friday,

Blotting out the sun,

Jesus had to die,

So the real change could come,

So The Father could forgive you,

Of all the wrong you've done,

Your punishment on Jesus,

He paid for every one,

Every one who believes gets a new heart,

Every new heart gets a fresh, new start,

You see Jesus doesn't just change bodies, when healing your disease,

He changes hearts and lives, just as much as these,

And changing what these disciples did, was as much about changing who they are,

Allow me to demonstrate, that they really did come far,

And to show that this change was made complete,

I'll point again to those fishermen, come with me down the street,

Come with me to the place in Jerusalem where they were all shacked up,

Hiding for their lives, 'cos they all lacked the guts,

When Jesus was killed, they all ran away and hid,

Terrified of the authorities, who knew 'who they were' and 'what they did',

Afraid to be caught, locked up, or hurt,

Would someone betray them, blab or blurt?

But when they had met The risen Jesus, all that had to go

I'm alive, he said, and so, and so...

Go into all the world, preaching to everyone out there,

And that is what they did, went out speaking everywhere,

No longer cowards, afraid and scared,

Speaking out with courage the good news they shared,

And some who heard them speaking, knowing them to be unschooled fishermen,

Took note that these men had been with Jesus, that he had transformed them,

And what's more, as much as they all changed,

The transformation will be perfected, when Jesus comes again,

Some may fall asleep, but not everyone will die,

At the shofar sound, in the twinkling of an eye,

We will all be changed,

We will never be the same,

So start the transformation,

In the power of Jesus' name,

I Never Loved A Woman

 You know I never loved a woman,

Though I think I thought I did,

Never a woman, or her real feelings,

Whatever she revealed, or she hid.

Oh, you know, I was romantic,

Or at least romantically inclined,

I'd spend sequential hours of a day,

Imagining us romantically entwined,

I'd imagine my fingers,

Running through her auburn/blonde/black hair, 

And gaze into her blue/green/brown eyes,

Romantically loosing myself there,

I imagined her skin smelt of freedom,

And her lips tasted of yesterdays wine,

And her voice would only seductively whisper,

In my ears, then my fears would begin to decline,

Oh and secretly we longed for each other,

Saw in each other, what nobody else did,

But you know, I've never loved a woman,

Whatever was revealed or was hid,

You know a woman was for me a far away country,

Somewhere I could never go,

So I dreamed of those women in safety,

Golden dreams with unlosable glow,

In my dreams those women were promise,

A promise of love yet unsung,

A promise of love, that could not disappoint,

Because it would never come,

And a promise is better than the purchase,

Because unattained it wont fail the test,

And it offers much more,

When it stays before,

And is never the aftermath of the mess,

Oh I have loved a few women, 

I have loved their warmth and their care,

But to the ideal of the idolatry

They could never compare,

Maybe I loved the idea of them,

And loved them a little less than enough,

But pedestals are for putting on,

And then for pushing off,

 You know I never loved a woman

Though I think I thought I did,

Never a woman, or her real feelings,

Whatever she revealed, or she hid,

You know I never loved a woman,

Whatever she would reveal,

I'm sorry for my snake like retreat,

It all got a little too real,

In Heaven

 In heaven I wonder, what will I be?

And will I still be recognizably me,

Maybe my tummy will still be round,

But I'm sure my trousers won't keep falling down,

Like they do down here on earth,

Because of and not in spite of my bulk and my girth,

When I was a child, all skinny and such,

My trousers fell down, to my knees from my crotch

Because they had nothing on which to grip,

No waist to speak of

So they'd slip past my hip...

And the belt had never been found

That would keep my trousers from finding the ground.

My worst foe, yes my hated enemy,

Was the evil force they call gravity,

And then I got old and fat,

And the trousers slid down, whether I stood or I sat,

In Church one day my niece and son laughed a lot, 

When I stood up to pray, but my trousers did not,

It's hard to bring supplication,

With your pants on display to the whole congregation,

And though I'm sure the saviour won't mind,

Some of the saved may not be so kind

So I have special reason to long now for heaven,

Where trousers stay up, however you're dressin',

And I shan't mind if I'm fat or I'm slim,

As long as I can give glory to him,

And if my tummy is still round,

At least my trousers will no longer fall down

As Foreigners Here

 Looking for a country of my own,

Looking for a place I can finally call home.

A place I can call home finally,

A place where I'll belong, a place where we'll be free,

But it's not here,

And it's never now,

Until the river is crossed,

Until the son comes down,

As foreigners here,

In this strange, strange land,

Live in reverent fear,

As only an alien can,

Looking for a city that will last,

Looking for a city that will forget about my past,

Forget about my transient reputation,

Whose maker is the maker and is made on his foundations,

But it's not here,

And I'll show you how to hold on for now,

Until the river's crossed,

Or the Son comes down,

As foreigners here,

In this promised land,

Live in reverent fear,

As only an alien can,

For it was not with perishable things,

Gold or silver or trinkets or rings,

But with the precious blood of Christ you were redeemed,

A lamb without defect, spotless pure and clean,

As aliens here,

In this alien land,

Live in reverent fear,

As only an alien can,

Looking for a city that's above, 

A city that will stand when push succumbs to shove,

Looking for the heavenly Jerusalem,

The city of The Living God, where our names are written in Heaven,

But it's some how now,

And somehow not yet,

But my eyes are on Christ,

And I'll get there I bet,

" By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9 By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10 For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God. 11 And by faith even Sarah, who was past childbearing age, was enabled to bear children because she[b] considered him faithful who had made the promise. 12 And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.

13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."

Someone

 When you're grateful in life, but don't know to who,

When you're angry with your lot, but have no one to blame,

When you feel you deserve more, but there is no one to reward you,

When you feel you're being punished, 

When you can't believe you got away with it,

When you call out for help and bargain with a God who isn't there,

When you blaspheme a name, like you just don't care,

Tell me why is that name on your lips?

Tell me who is it that see's all your slips?

When you're logic is that he is not there,

And that you hate him,

And that if he exists then he doesn't care,

Tell me from where did that sense of entitlement come?

And is this injustice that has been done? 

Did he not give you every breath,

Did he not, at your birth deliver you over from death?

Did the sun not shine every day, whether you saw it, or it was hidden away?

And shall we accept only good from his hand?

Blame him for the bad, with no thought for his plan?

Without honoring every wealth, 

Without praising for a single ounce of your health,

That has never been guaranteed to you,

Yet you take it for granted in all that you do,

And where is that someone hate,

And hold in contempt,

And judge and complain and continually berate,

Like your ways are better than his,

Like your thoughts are higher,

That if you were in charge you'd do better than this?

And where is your fear of him,

And where is your reverence

How big is your chin?

That you stand there and pout,

And huff and puff,

And scream and shout?

As if your love were superior,

As if your patience were not far, far inferior,

And this someone 

stepped down out of heaven,

Became one of us,

He has a face,

And a name,

Jesus,

Zoom-room Communion

Pizza crust,

The body broke for us,

No wine is mine,

But coffee dust,

Made this cup

From which I sup,

No hands held but the mute is on,

In silence we all sing the song,

The modern Covid lock-down twist

The zoomunion of the Eucharist,

But really I'm ok With this,

Still one,

And our Christ Jesus died for this.

Hold hands across the great abys,

Internet intent,

One in Spirit's what he meant

Demonology

 You call Satan a saviour,

Champion of your behaviour,

Not a sneaker but far sneakier,

Utilising antisocial media,

You intensify pretense,

But it's all at your expense,

Demonising saints,

But we don't raise complaint,

Remembering John 10:10,

We hit our knees again,

Jesus told us love our enemies,

We're offering up our prayers for these,

Who persecute and demonise,

For convicted hearts and opened eyes,

That let the light and Jesus in,

Forgive you for your every sin,

You think we're judging what you do,

But you see we're the same as you,

Lost in sin until we're found,

Not knowing which way's up or down,

That's why this inverted demonology,

Must succumb to true theology,

The things you think will set you free,

Are binding you in slavery,

On your shoes pathetically,

A bible verse for all to see,

Quoting from Luke 10;18

With no understanding of what it means,

But I guess that's in sin's nature,

So I'll let this trainer train ya,

Train ya in what it  really means,

Means Satan's head's my trampoline

Jesus gave me authority,

Over the power of the enemy,

Trampling on the vipers head,

Standing on the words Christ said,

Rejoicing not that the demons submit to you,

But that your name's written in heaven too,

Sneaky Serpent got kicked to the street,

Satan, You're under our feet.

 

The Complacency Of Sight

I was storing old images,

Collections in albums,

Saints who'd gone on,

Times long gone,

Curled at the corners, 

Trapping them beneath cellophane

In polythene prisons,

Little prisms,

Stuffed into cloud and

Driven onto hard drive

In an effort to survive,

I didn't want to take my memory of these images for granted,
To avoid complacency,

Moments come and are gone, you see,

And I didn't want to be without these sights,

When all the time I was taking sight itself for granted,

And should not have taken the moment for granted

The Exchange

I knew this girl once

She lost her soul

But gained the whole world

And she surveys it all some nights,

From her prestigious tower block apartment

Skyscrape

Vista’s of the landscape

One of the richest cities in the world

And she feels a sense in which she owns it all

That she’s the girl

But like litter around the landmark

The wind whistles through it

And she presses her face to the cold of the glass

And she’s still so lonely

And this world will pass

In Every Place

In every place 

He is

He took me to a high place,

And showed me,

Over the contours of my kingdom,

My corner of the county,

The small stretch of a score of miles,

In which I live out the majority of my life,

In the basin,

And over the valley,

Where the wind whistles,

On the peaks,

And above,

Amidst clouds,

In clear skies,

Behind the wing,

Above the bird's back

All about it

And far, far off,

And every space in-between,

The camera is rolling,

And always was,

Our lives go on beneath him,

Within him,

And he within,

Cars and busses, busy on their way,

As they pass through he is with them,

And he remains with them,

Until they reach their destination,

Even if it is The other side of the country,

And yet he never leaves this place,

The camera is still rolling here,

And when tomorrow morning,

I rise early with the thought of this poem,

He is still here,

In the darkness,

As the larks wake,

And there he is too with the poet,

In his head,

And surrounding his half clad body,

And in the space between his fingers,

And the keys,

As they repeatedly drum on the squares,

That send the signals, 

That tell his computer to display the letters they encase,

Upon his screen,

The ones you are reading right now,

And not only is he there between the poets fingers and letters,

But he is with you,

And he is still here,

Hovering over the valley,

Filling the space 

Between hills and blood cells alike

And in every lonely place

In every corner and nook,

On mountain tops,

In desert,

Across vast tundra,

Over waters,

Beneath the ice,

In every space an eye could see,

And in the eye itself

The camera never stops rolling,

He is

Existing

Wild and free

And we

Have only just arrived

In his eternity

An Honest Poem

 I love you all, with sincere love

But I'd leave in a heartbeat

For the promise of heaven

To be pain free

And without ego

I'm a little torn

But that is what my longings say

I never understood before

When Paul says it is better to be with the lord

But I guess I just ran out of hope

Despite transcendent moments

Of this life ever satisfying me

Or of peace that settles like snow

Or true silence

I love this world but I'm ready to go when the time comes

I love everyone

No, really

Don't think I don't hate objectionable things

But I never met a human who didn't have something to love in them

How ever hard they tried 

To convince me otherwise

And if I was spikey

or hurtful

Or insensitive

Please accept

It was never hate

But fear that kept me from loving you well

And I feel 

That the fog of hatred over humanity

would be burned up

if we all could see  clearly

The source of our fear

God is love

That is my discovery

But I recommend you don't make the mistake

Of making a God of what or who you love

Submission to a loving and wise God is the furthest thing from subjugation  

On the contrary: it is empowerment, if you could only accept his rule

I believe you reject it at your peril

I believe there is one way out

One Human who can save you

The Human Jesus Christ

The bridge across the chasm 

of misunderstanding and foolish action

That so many of you automatically rule him out seems like an evidence to me that he is for real

I found him

And was found by him at the age of 6

Yes 6

And I knew something was different

And it never left me

However hard I tried to make it

Because I believe love to be eternal

I'm sorry for all the bad I have done

And to the people I have hurt

Nothing I gained from hurting you was worth it

Please forgive me

Though I can't always show it

And the truth of these words may not be known

Till the end of what is known to us now

I love you

And if you hurt me

I forgive you

Every last one of you

Labour

 You say you want to win nations

It's your vocation,

But you'll have knock your walls down,

Re-lay your foundation,

It'll make your back hurt,

Mud and dirt on your silk shirt

You turned away from being such a sick jerk,

Better knuckle on down and get back to the brick work

You build on Jesus, and his foundation,

His words will uphold you, like they do, all creation

No wall is gonna fall if its all laid in this location,

Any storm that's formed will fail to topple this inhabitation,

His word is heard and then observed

You better put it into practice,

Only when we trust and then obey, 

Will we begin to get better at this,

Be a doer and a hearer to avoid all deception,

Like looking in a mirror then forgetting your reflection,

That's not obedience, that's rejection,

Listen to the words of James that come like a correction,

When building on the word, it should find a good reception,

This word can save you,

Like he forgave you,

Humbly accept the implant,

And move swiftly on to stage 2,

Don't let it phase you,

Now the sacrifice of Christ

Is the basis of all we say/do,

So we build hard, remaining on guard,

Trowel and sword in hand, we're building and we're fighting for our yard,

Don't allow a foothold, or give an inch up, 

Armor up against the devil, Take your stand and keep it flint sharp,

Don't flinch or move or run, but stand, resist and you'll be kept son,

You're a brickie and a fighter, working hard and but having fun,

Fun with the Father and with the Son, and the Holy spirit: Fun with Three in One,

However hard your working, remember he is working harder,

It's grace gave you a place and led you through the Son back to Father,

Unless he builds the house, all your work will be in vain, so wouldn't you rather,

Let him do the work... 

And cut out all the drama?

It's grace and faith not works from the first to the last,

Never on your merit, and never on your past,

Christ the cornerstone, the first to be laid,

To Christ the Capstone, to show he has finished what he made,

Yes his yoke is easy, and his burden light,

We share the load with him, so our work will be alright,

And when it takes the test, and withstands the flames,

We give the glory back to him,

We did it for his fame,

We did it because we love you Lord,

And you took all the blame,

We did it for your glory Lord and to give honour to your name.

My Praise Looks Good On You

 Dressed in inexhaustible, 

Unapproachable and incomparable light,

The sun is your halo, 

Your backdrop: The night,

The stars pick You out, they outline Your glory,

Humbled I stagger and stumble before them, 

I'm thrilled at Your majesty, 

Awestruck at the sight,

Nothing to add the Alpha of all things,

No garment to fashion, for the creator of all,

Creation itself is the expression of your beauty,

The green grass of summer,

The orange arrangement of autumnal fall,

The warm and deep browns in the depths of the earth,

And the full flourish of flowers,

The blues of the sky and the aqua-marine,

And these just the colours that my eyes have beheld,

And yet there are more colours that still wait to be seen,

Oh there is still (and yet nothing) more,

Than the brown eyes of God,

The beauty I see in them cuts through my heart,

No picture or painting or poem or piece of music,

Can begin to describe 'How great Thou Art'

What can I bring to embellish or to add to your beauty?

Descriptive powers to declare your praise,

Were my words like Wordworth's and could they flow freely forever,

I'd not be able to add a thing

To the beauty of a single glance of Your face

My powers of description are found wanting and lacking,

The best that I have simply will not do,

They add nothing to the infinite glory,

Of the source of all that is lovely and true,

But yet, somehow, in a moment,

Singing, and pouring my heart out too,

In my own eyes, I realise,

How fitting it is,

That still my praise, in your endless mercy

Fits you so well and

Looks so good on you