Second Cesarean

School was for me.
A second Cesarean,
An enforced eviction,
From safety and warmth,

Scalpel sliced from the belly of the family,
This time it was a cold incubator for me,
Where they suckled my mind,
With milk wrung from my soul,
Where they drip fed me lies,
With all they had stole.
Where even the teachers,
Used shame to control,
When I had once felt accepted,
Now, thrown to the cold.

I was sucked out from that warm dark place,
For the second time in my life,
From the bosom and embrace,
Of my fathers loving wife,
Frightened and alone,
The freak fair had erupted,
If only I'd laid prone,
Played dead,
Rather than acting, instead,
On the false sense of security,
With which my family blinded me,

If I had played dead,
Instead,
Of playing in the playground,
If I had curled up,
Embryonic,
Small and round,
Perhaps, perhaps,
I could have created my own womb,
where the papercuts,
Of a thousand chants,
Were never given room,

I was taken from the bosom of one,
And placed with a hundred others,
But my world of love reduced,
To unheard, unsung cries for mothers,

The crimson flesh of the door flopped shut,
Like an incision in the morning,
The strangelight burned my eyes,
A bleaker new world dawning,
"You'll have to toughen up,
You cannot live on love",

"Love will not feed you,
When we are dead and gone,
You've had four years of suckling,
It's time, my son, to move on..."

That taunted bullied child,
Still lives in the breast of me,
The child thrown to the wolves,
Beneath the skin of me,

He's never far away,
huddled in the womb,
Of my sense of fairness,
I made a tiny room,

I tell him, from time to time,
When I am not taking his mad advice,
To remember my third cesarean,
When I was reborn,
Thrice.


When I was ripped from an infected womb
From the gestation of a dark place,
Feeding from sinful placenta,
deforming with no visible trace,

Ripped out by the surgeon,
Ripped from death, to life
Scared as hell and sinsick,
Blinking in heavens light,

He and I must walk some way,
But my dying twin,
Will die some day,
and I will go walking on,
Into heavens bright sun.